poisonangel: (ConYuu - Soulmates)
[personal profile] poisonangel
Author/Artist: [livejournal.com profile] poisonangel7
Characters/Pairings: Conrad/Yuuri
Word Count: 917
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Author's Note: Written for [livejournal.com profile] kkm_challenge. Prompt: UST



I hope he doesn't notice.

But sometimes when Conrad is demonstrating a sword technique for me and he gets really into it and the hair at his neck sticks to his neck and his eyes are all grrrr, I start having…thoughts.

Weird thoughts about what it would feel like if Conrad pulled me toward him or kissed me or other stuff I can't talk to anyone about.

I'm not sure when they started. I mean, I always thought he was a pretty man, but that's normal, right? I mean, it isn't like I'm blind or something. All the people in Shin Makoku are pretty whether they are men or women. Well, maybe not Dorcas so much, but I'm sure some people think he is pretty. I mean, some people find that clumsiness cute. That's got to be why people pay any attention to my looks. Well, that and the double black thing. I'm kind of surprised they didn't all freak out when we went to Japan and everyone looked like me. Maybe it is just because I'm the Maou.

Uh, what was I thinking about again? Right, I hope Conrad doesn't notice that I have been looking at him differently. I don't mean to. He's a guy. And he's the brother of my former fiancé. That's many levels of weird right there! Okay, maybe just two levels, but they are two big levels.

It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't look at me so kindly all the time. It doesn't matter what's going on, he is always looking at me. Wolfram and Gunter could be chasing Densham's chicken from one side of the room to another with much flailing and squealing and I can still feel those warm, brown eyes watching me. Even when he isn't actually looking at me, he is. I know that sounds weird, but it's true.

I could fall off a cliff and he would catch me. I know. It's happened! It doesn't seem to matter how far apart we are. He always catches me. He always protects me. I know he's just being a good soldier and that there isn't anything else there.

But sometimes I think I pretend to be passed out a little longer than necessary just so he'll keep holding me.

Oh my god! Did I really just think that?!? Ugh, I am a girl! I might as well play dress up with Yozak. Greta will be excited to have a mother.

How did this happen? Maybe it just all started to seem normal after having a male fiancé or having Gunter teach me the finer points of the mazoku language by having me read love poetry. It was kind of hard to miss that it was in his handwriting and that it was about "his majesty."

But why Conrad? He has never pushed himself on me. He's never acted like he wanted to be anything more than my protector even though I tell him all the time that we are friends. He's just always been there for me no matter what. He stands beside me even when he thinks I'm doing something crazy. And this is certainly crazy.

But it's not like I could ever tell him.

***

I hope he doesn't notice.

Every time he bumps up against me because he doesn't realize how closely he shares my space I just want to put my arm around his waist and pull him against my body.

But it's wrong. These thoughts and feelings I have can never be vocalized or expressed.

Decades have passed, the soul has changed forms, but it is still as untouchable today as it was then with Julia.

At first I thought that was all it was with Yuuri. I thought my emotions were misdirected because she was gone, but her brightness lived on in him. But I know that isn't the case now. There are remarkable similarities, but there are differences enough to fill a dozen chasms. He is his own person and anyone who spent five minutes with him would know that.

There was a time when I convinced myself that these feeling were just an extension of my duty. I thought the need to be close to him was only in service to his station as maou. It was my way of protecting him. But it was really only my way of protecting myself. I'm a better man in his presence despite this one damnable weakness.

Shinou guide me away from this temptation. I reach to his face to brush away a leaf tangled in his hair and I want to cup his chin, raising his lips to mine. I want to taste him and touch him. I want him for myself, but it is too selfish and undeserved. That much hasn't changed.

Even now with the engagement ended I still believe Wolfram will one day have his king. No one can deny Wolfram forever. And if not him then it will be one of the ladies of the castle or a girl from his world. Maybe even his friend and advisor, Murata. It would never be me. He sees me as a surrogate for his older brother. I watch out for him and play ball with him.

Yuuri would feel guilty if he knew how I felt. He never wants to let anyone down, but the demands we all make on him are so great. He'd forgive me of course.

But it's not like I could ever tell him.


Author's Note: Set slightly in the future. Hopefully this goes without saying, but just in case, the first section is from Yuuri's POV and the second section is from Conrad's.

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February 2011

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