poisonangel: (YozCon: We like it rough)
[personal profile] poisonangel
Title: Salty
Fandom: The Office
Characters/Pairings: Jim/Dwight
Word Count: 402
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Request: [livejournal.com profile] arana_suteshi: Sunflower Seeds



Jim and Pam sat in the conference room surrounded by additional lighting and a camera man and a sound man as well as a director who would occasionally prompt them for information. Jim was silent and looked somewhat violated. Pam was doing her best to look thoughtful as she fought back the urge to laugh more or less successfully.

"It all started with the sunflower seeds. You see, Dwight always gets the ones with the shells on and he cracks them open with his teeth and then spits them out into this bucket he keeps on his desk and sometimes he'd overshoot and, well, they'd land on Jim's stuff." She looked over at her fiancé, but he only nodded.

"So, anyway, we decided to play a little joke on Dwight. We wrote an article about how eating sunflower seeds has been linked to the incidence of homosexuality in men." Pam cleared her throat to stifle a laugh as Jim continued to look wounded with his pouty lips and large eyes.

"I used a screenshot of the CNN website and my new mad art skills and then I just had to set it up on Oscar's desktop and had him read it to Dwight. We listed some of the early warning signs that a person was turning gay. There was the high-pitched voice, which we managed to do with some helium. And then there was taste for phallic foods, which worked out really well on corn dog day.

"But the final blow," Pam giggled a little and half expected Michael to pop up to say that's what she said, "was getting Dwight to think he was attracted to a guy. It was supposed to be Andy. He wasn't in on it, but he had been singing more than usual which is a lot for Andy, so we figured it was still justice.

"But we didn't count on what happened next."

Jim buried his face in his hands as the camera crew rolled some archived footage. The screen came to life with a picture of Dwight standing in front of Jim's desk, staring intently at him. Jim slowly raised his head, but before he could finish saying, "what," Dwight caught Jim's face between his hands and pressed a sloppy, kiss to his mouth.

When the footage stopped, everyone looked back at Jim whose face was still hidden, but he finally spoke, "He used tongue."
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February 2011

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